Wednesday, June 8, 2011

The Sister Wives Invade Sin City

Dang it!  Although the good folks of American Fork, Utah, can now breathe a collective sigh of relief, the beautiful people of Las Vegas are faced with a new worry.  Will Kody cause a shortage of hair mousse at Wal-Mart? Let's hope not!  And while I'm on the subject, didn't we stop using hair mousse back when Whitesnake and Warrant were replaced with Nirvana and Soundgarden?  I'm still confused by that.  Dear Kody, have one of your casserole-making slaves take an electric clipper on about a one or a two, and just shave that mess baseball bat-wielding Britney did a few years back.  Just off with it!  You will thank me later, I promise.

Once again, I was sucked in.  The train wreck that is TLC's Sister Wives, robbed me of brain cells and hours of my life for the second season in a row, read my thoughts on last season here.  I tried not to look, but I couldn't stop myself. I've been a blogging slacker since last season ended, but this nonsense has brought me out of retirement.

Okay, so the bad taste that was left in the viewers' mouths last season was that of the newly-wed fourth wife, their obvious hump-fest, bizarre zoo-visiting honeymoon, and all kinds of uncomfortable weirdness.  No like button.  Season 2 of Sister Wives, did not fail to produce more Creeper McCreeperton reality tv drama.  Actually, it shouldn't be called reality, I speculate that even the real-life Utah mainstream, non-compound, plygs find Kody completely to be a complete insult to their way of life.

For the record, if you read my last post, just as I predicted......the Utah Attorney General's Office did come-a-callin' on Mr. Brown! Actually I think it was the Lehi Police, but close enough.  So, if you are Kody, and the po po are after you, what do you do?  Duh, go on Good Morning America and brag about your harem, and then send all of the kids to public school so they can suffer massive ridicule.  That's what you call smart decision-making in this ding-dong's brain. A fine example of cognitive reasoning at work!

Throughout Season 2, we are forced to watch the Kodester try to 'make nice' with the less attractive, older, and barren wives.  The new wife is clearly the one he is into.  Duh, winning....I think.  I can't figure out if these other three realize what is going on, or if they are so mesmerized by his nervous banter that they really believe he likes to romance all four of them equally.  I somehow doubt it.

Long story short, and it isn't short because TLC makes us live through staged crap like they did on John and Kate Plus Eight, i.e., Halloween, picnics, bowling...zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Where was I?  Oh yeah, falling asleep after watching the stupid hippie-inspired birthday party of Meri...because when you are wife number one, and your man is sleeping with three other chics because you are inept at child production, that's what you get....a rainbow wig from Party City and cupcakes lovingly made by the filthy hands of 17 kids, 16 of which you did not birth.  Anyway, like I was saying, long story short.....they make, I mean Kody makes, the decision to leave Utah and head for the Nevada desert.

The older kids go bananas, the younger kids cry or cheer or stare their blank, confused stares, everyone packs boxes, the cars break down, the moving trucks aren't big enough, and finally they all head to Clark County amid much drama.  Can someone please tell me what this ass-clown husband of all husbands does for a living?  I must admit, I am semi-impressed that he was able to house 21 people in a vacation home for a month, while simultaneously acquiring four tract homes to rent in a Las Vegas suburb.  And, he accomplished all of this last-minute,  without a semblance of a of plan. Maybe he does have mad skillz.  Yes, those would be skillz, not skills.

I would never hate on anyone that bailed on Utah to move to Las Vegas.  In fact, I think it's generally a pretty cool thing to do.  Everyone loves Las Vegas, it's easy to get a job making great tips there, and one can take advantage of the devastated housing market.  Plus, a person can only go to Lagoon and The Spaghetti Factory so many times before the mind starts to wander off to exotic places like Los Angeles, Las Vegas, and Flin Flan, Manitoba.  But, those poor kids, they aren't mentally equipped to handle Vegas, they aren't really equipped to handle Draper, Utah.  One of the daughters is already rebelling by showing an inch of her neck......what's going to happen next?  Will we see knees?  GASP!  But seriously, Vegas will prove to be too much for most of the poor kids, makes me sad.

Tune in for Season 3, where you will see Meri spontaneously combust as new wife Robyn and the 'hair pole' announce they are expecting their very own little muppet baby.  I can't wait.


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